Today is payday. I know that money is the root of all evil and the devil’s curse and all that, but gosh it’s nice to see our checking account with a balance higher than $1.64. We are on our last gallon of milk, our last gallon of gas, and we’ve been eating beans and rice for the last two weeks. Ahhhh… payday. I could kiss you on the mouth.
And to double my pleasure, today is my cheat day. The way I “diet” is to eat well for 5 days of the week and then gorge, gorge, gorge for the remaining two. This method works remarkably well for me because as previously discussed, I have no self control. But, I have just enough self control that I can delay my cravings for a few days. If I am dying for ice cream on Monday, I don’t feel as deprived if I know I can have it on Friday.
Now, I’m pretty sure that the reason I can lose weight this way is because despite how I look, I really do have a fairly good metabolism. I should be much fatter than I am. To quote Homer, “I’m an obese (wo)man trapped in a fat (wo)man’s body”.
I eat a lot. When I go out to eat with friends, they all push their oversized restaurant plates away after eating a third of their meal. Meanwhile, I’ve already devoured my entire meal and three baskets of bread, and I’m wondering if I can get away with ordering dessert. Of course, since they are all too full for dessert I have to pretend that I am, too. “Oh yeah… I’m stuffed. Couldn’t fit in another bite.” But, I’m totally not. And in fact, I’m probably going to drive thru Dairy Queen on the way home.
So, payday, cheat day, and Friday all combine to make a Holy Trifecta of Gloriousness. Indeed… it is a good day.