I thought I was having a baby on Monday. I kept having back pain and was trying to ignore it. Then I started timing how often I would get a twinge in my back… Every 2-6 minutes. This continued for 3 hours, so I finally called my midwives. We were all very excited and ready to get this show on the road.
My midwife told me to drink water, take a shower and lay down for a while. If the contractions continued, we were having a baby soon. If not, it was false labor. I smiled as I got into the shower and felt my belly tighten harder and harder. This was it. This had to be it. Then I laid down in bed and… Nothing. Nothing happened. It all stopped. Depressed, I called my midwife again to tell her not to come by after all.
One of my midwives was in the area and decided to check on me, anyway. She said I was 3-4 cm dilated and my cervix was soft. “A couple more days is all you will last, I think. You won’t make it a week.”. I was thrilled. I’ve never dilated to a 3-4 before labor. I could definitely hold out a few more days.
I had contractions all that night, and one that was so painful Tuesday morning that it actually scared me. You know how it goes… You forget the pain of labor between children, but all it takes is one painful contraction and suddenly it comes flooding back to you. And you think, “I take it back!! I don’t want a baby. I don’t want to do this. I can’t do this,”. But you know it is too late and you’re screwed. Tuesday morning I had one of those, then I got into the bath and once again, everything stopped.
This morning, my uterus decided to mess with me once more. Contractions started coming every ten minutes, then they got longer, lasting as long as two minutes and intense, although not particularly painful. And so after a couple hours I called Mr. Darcy and told him he might need to come home, but I needed to get in the bath first. All the while my huge belly was contracting harder and harder. “I’m having a baby on my due date,” I thought with a smile. And I filled the bath, climbed in, and immediately lulled my uterus back to sleep.
Crap nuggets. What kind of lazy uterus is this that can’t even withstand a little relaxation? And so I am still waiting, feeling a little abused by this baby factory that is more interested in playing mind games than in actually doing its job. I could have two more weeks of this hilarity. That won’t happen, will it?
People keep suggesting my baby won’t come until we have a name for her. So, out of bitterness I said if I went overdue, I would pick some horrible name for her as punishment. I’ve finally got it. Renesmee. What a lesson for her! I trust she will profit by it! (name that quote!) She has six hours to prevent that from happening.
Speaking of Renesmee, I was thinking about that pregnancy/delivery today and I’m pretty sure there is something seriously wrong with Stephenie Meyer. A baby that kicks so hard that she breaks her mom’s back and has to be chewed out of the womb by her father? That’s messed up. Although, I wonder if that is what it is going to take for me to deliver this little darling?? Mr. Darcy? Would you be willing to chew your spawn monster out of me? I’d appreciate it.