Every night around 7:00, I go upstairs to put the baby in bed. I feed and rock her in the darkness while she reaches up to stroke my face, my hair, my clothes. And I am full. How is it possible to love something so much?
And once she is in bed, I take Kitty to her room. She is hyper and dances and twirls while getting into her jammies. She has to be asked to do things three times before she does them. She giggles and cartwheels and says hilarious things that either don’t make any sense, or make too much sense. She asks me to wrap her up like a tiny baby and sing her the Muppet version of Bohemian Rhapsody. (Mostly she just likes the part where Animal keeps yelling, “Mamaaaaaaaa!!!) Such a silly, funny, clever girl. And I am full. I couldn’t love that crazy girl more.
And downstairs I can hear my older three laughing and goofing off. Their volume goes way up at 7 p.m. I’m not sure what causes that, but it happens every night. They are acting silly and teasing each other while doing their after dinner chores. Probably telling jokes that end in “Armpit!”.
That exuberant, distractable Jane. She skips everywhere she goes. She loves Lydia so much she can’t remember what she is supposed to be doing, whether it is buckling her seatbelt, doing her homework, making her lunch… She is drawn to Lydia like a moth to a flame. I couldn’t live without that Jane.
And Bennet is there giggling and tormenting Jane… his favorite past time. Or spouting off facts that he learned that day at school. He is Mr. Upright. Mr. Total Obedience. So much like his father. He is a tender boy and I would move mountains for him if I could. Even if I can’t, I will try.
And Lizzy is the ringleader of them all. Turning 12 next week, she is more young lady than child. She is wonderful. She will randomly put her arms around me and say, “I love you, Mom.” She is reading The Glass Castle and can’t fathom parents behaving the way they do in that book. I’m so glad. I’m so glad my girl lives in a bubble and is sheltered from that kind of life. I will do anything and everything to keep her from knowing neglect and abuse on a personal level.
And I am full.