I started believing I had Lyme disease in early December. At that time, I made a deal with God, if this was Lyme disease I would tell everyone about how he helped me discover it. I know not everyone that reads this blog is a believer, and I’m not really trying to change anyone’s opinion with these posts. Mostly, I want to record these experiences so that I don’t forget them. And I want my children to be able to read them someday in the future. And like I said, I made a deal with God. No way am I backing out now.
Because I truly believe that God is behind this diagnosis.
As I tried to decide where to start in this story, I think I have to go back three years when I first started realizing there was something really wrong with my body. So, back to the spring of 2009, when Kitty was 9 months old. We were trying to sell our first home in the hopes of buying Pemberley. One day I was praying, whining that our house wasn’t selling, and God interrupted my pity party to give me a message. “You have a good life, Mary.”. And I kind of ignored the thought because I was too caught up in feeling sorry for myself, so the thought came again, “You have a good life, Mary.”
Finally, I rather grudgingly replied, “Yes, I do. You are right.”. Which was followed by the thought, “Something is coming that will be hard for you, so you need to remember that you have a good life.”. And very shortly after that, I noticed that my leg was numb. Over the course of 4 months, the numbness spread down my leg, I started to have a lot of other neurological symptoms like dizziness, buzzing, electric shocks, and my leg eventually became weak and clumsy so that I could no longer walk normally. I had to drag my right leg behind me.
Now I know that this was Lyme disease, of course. At the time however, nobody understood what was happening. I saw four different doctors, went through nerve conduction studies and MRIs, and everything came back perfect. “You are perfectly healthy.” was what I was told. They didn’t test me for Lyme at that time. Nobody mentioned it as a possibility. After receiving a clean bill of health while simultaneously becoming more and more incapacitated, I was very frustrated. God told me “endure it well”. I don’t think I did. I endured it in the whiniest way possible.
However, when the doctors had run out of tests and didn’t want anything else to do with me, I began really praying. I googled my symptoms and found what I thought was the answer… A bad reaction to my IUD. Once the IUD was removed (yes, I think I will just glaze over this part of the story) I started to improve. My leg stopped dragging, the weird pulsing and buzzing body parts went back to normal, and within a couple weeks I could feel my foot again. My dizziness went away. I was relieved.
I thought that was the end of my mysterious health issues. But, within two months, my dizziness returned and I started to have a hard time hearing out of my left ear. After more tests, all that was clear was that I was very dizzy. And my hearing seemed to be affected, but we couldn’t figure that out, either. But, neither of those problems were as impactful as the previous issues, so aside from being annoyed by them, I didn’t look too hard for an answer. And, I never connected the two episodes together in my mind.
When Kitty was 18 months old, I thought I got pregnant. I was mad. Whoa nelly, I was mad. I didn’t want a baby. I did not want to be pregnant. I wanted to punch someone in the back of the head. Ragey ragey rage, I was soooooooo mad. And then I started my period and I cried bitter tears of disappointment because I wasn’t having a baby. I am clearly crazy. Clearly. But, immediately I started thinking that maybe I wasn’t ready to be done. Maybe we could have another? And this is when I really felt God nudging me along. Yes, have another. Yes, have another. And once I decided we would, he told me, “You will get pregnant in August.”.
Tomorrow I will tell you why I needed to get pregnant in August.