Our 4th of July celebrations went perfectly… until they didn’t. That is called foreshadowing, my dear children.
The weather was absolutely gorgeous. Not too hot, not too windy. Just lovely.
Everything was perfect. We commented on the perfection. We marinated in it. We let it soak into our skin. God Bless America!
Then we were getting ready to drive downtown to watch fireworks when our _______ing ________hole neighbors decided to light off fireworks. The kind that fly up into the air. Upwards, towards our house. And our dry, desert hill.
(Note: fireworks are illegal here.)
And I sort of lost my shiz.
(Note: do not have me around during emergencies. I will pretty much run around screaming and yelling Mormon swear words like, “YOU FETCHIN’ PIECES OF POOP! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!!” Meanwhile, my hill is on fire and I am not doing anything to help the situation.)
So, my fabulous husband and brother in law were quick and rational thinkers and dragged our hoses over to dowse the flames. Which, were getting really disturbingly close to my house.
(Cue Mary: “OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH MY HOUSE IS GOING TO BURN DOWN OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH CRAP OH CRAP OH SHIZ I AM GOING TO BREAK YOUR STUPID NECKS, YOU IDIOTS!!!”)
But, by the time the fire department arrived, Mr. Darcy and Scott had put out the fire. Studliest duo ever.
Here is how close the flames came to my house. Maybe you cannot tell… They were getting close to those trees, and if the trees had gone, the deck would have gone, and I don’t even want to think about it.
I was literally crapping my pants. Except not literally.
And luckily, this happened when we were home, because if we had already left for the fireworks when the hill caught fire, I am sure the house would have burned, too. So, we do feel quite blessed. This could have ended much worse.
Anyway, so God Bless America, and Mr. Darcy, and Scott, and the fire department.
And my neighbors might wake up to some flaming bags of turd tomorrow night. Except that I’m trying to be a Christian woman and forgive them. And I totally will!! After I throw poo at them.