Our town and all it’s children went back to school today. We stayed home. It was weird to see all the First Day of School pictures on facebook this morning while lazily making banana muffins. (I can hardly eat muffins in an agitated manner!)
We are actually using a virtual academy (online homeschool) this year, and our first day is next week, AFTER LABOR DAY which is the only rational and normal time to begin school if you ask me, but that might be my California childhood talking. So, today while the rest of town got dressed up in their new outfits and carted 50 pounds of school supplies into their classrooms, we decided that we needed to get the home office transformed into a homeschooling room, and on the double. OF THE DEVIL!
(When Lizzy was a little Kitty-sized girl, my sister Paula came to visit and Lizzy yelled out “On the double!” about something, which Paula misheard as “OF THE DEVIL!” and she was all, “Congratulations on raising an over-religious freak child, Mary.” So, now anytime I say “on the double” I immediately have to follow it with “of the devil!”. That’s normal, right?)
Okay, back to business. I still need to do a last minute IKEA shopping trip to pick up two more desks, and organize a bunch of stuff and THEN I think we will finally be ready for this school year.
Awesome things about homeschooling if you want a list from someone who has actually not yet homeschooled a day in her life:
1. The only thing I even need to put on this list is No School Supplies Shopping. Because shopping for school supplies… I’m serious, it is the worst thing known to man. It is worse than the ebola virus… I would rather stab my eyeball with a rusty screw 500 times than shop for school supplies.
–If you have ever taken 3-5 children supplies shopping at the same time, you totally know what I’m talking about. Each kid has a different and extremely specific list that has to be filled exactly to the letter. And they want sizes that don’t exist, or companies that you are pretty sure they made up.
-one Crayola box with 79 crayons NOT a box of 70 or 80.
-A trapper keeper with a picture of a kitten, but no pictures of unicorns or butterflies allowed or we reserve the right to light it on fire.
-pencil top erasers that are only red and yellow. NO BLUES. DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT GREENS.
-A box of Clorox wipes that are chemical and scent-free and not made in China you Communist, What is the matter with you!?
-10 red dry erase markers made by MEAD, and if you show up with some made by BECK I will punch your kid in the throat.
And so while you are trying to go through these oddly specific lists, your kids are helpfully grabbing any supply they see and throwing it in the cart, because somehow being in the Back to School section sends them into a fit of shopping-induced-ADHD and they can’t hold still or listen. All they can do is grab boxes of pencils, shout, run in circles, and throw rogue supplies in the cart while I try to search the shelves for imaginary items like Community College Ruled paper.
And then I crawl away into the corner and hide under a pile of clearance Hannah Montanna backpacks.
Wow, I really hate school supplies. I may need therapy and on the double! (OF THE DEVIL!).
Well, that one itemed list was pretty awesome. I’m sure you are all really excited that I am solely responsible for the learning of my dearest, darlingest children this year.
Oh, I thought of another thing to add to my list:
2. It is now impossible for us to miss the bus.
That settles it… This is going to be the best year ever.