“I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble.”
There are moments during each day when I look around me and the clutter, the chaos, the noise (THE NOISE!!), the madness is overpowering. If I’m being honest, this usually happens around mealtimes. Five kids are all shouting out their orders at once, usually the kitchen is littered with toys, thrown food (thanks to Lydia), sticky puddles, crumbs… And for a moment I want to escape.
And without fail, there are other moments when I am curled up reading Anne of Green Gables with my school girls. When we laugh about how Matthew starts every sentence with the phrase, “Well now…”. When I feel them falling in love with something I love. Times when my baby wraps her arms around my neck and curls into my shoulder. Times when my boy spontaneously hugs me.
And I think, there is nothing better than this moment. This life.
For years I have felt disappointed that I never amounted to much. I had dreams of becoming the next SOMETHING… fantasies, really… I was going to be a good singer, I was going to write the next great American novel, I was going to draw beautiful pictures, be the next Jane Goodall… I wanted to be special. I wanted to be the best at something… anything.
Instead, I am this person. I’m just Mary. Mediocre Mary. A mother who usually doesn’t know what she is doing. Who almost always forgets what she promises, who almost never accomplishes her TO DO list. And her lovely house is too good for her, and her daughter’s hair is unbrushed, and her minivan… let’s be honest, that thing just needs to be set on fire.
So, I’m not setting any records or curing any diseases. Yet, every now and then I feel the itch to be someone. To do something more, to make a difference, to make a name for myself.
But, when I come home my baby runs to me and holds on like I am the only good thing in the world, and it is enough.