I am the opposite of a packrat. Is there a term for that? A declutterer? A non-hoarder? I throw things out/donate/sell at yard sales… I get rid of stuff. It is one of my greatest talents. Along with not exercising. I am AMAZING at not exercising. I don’t want to brag, but I am probably one of the most consistent non-exercisers you know.
But, that’s not what this post is about. It’s about me constantly throwing things away because I’m really good at it. But, there are a couple things that I should throw away and can’t seem to.
In my shoe closet I have a bag full of information on MS drugs, I was supposed to read the information and choose which drug I wanted to take. It’s in my shoe closet because, while I’m good at throwing stuff away, I’m really bad about putting things where they belong. I am pretty sure that one day before all my cleaning ladies fired me that I was frantically trying to clean up my room, and didn’t know where to put all the drug info so I just shoved it on my shoe shelves. Of course. A shoe closet is the most natural place in the world for MS drug booklets.
So, I don’t have MS.. Or rather, my MS is actually Lyme Disease and so while I used to see that stack and info and want to cry because I had to choose which crappy drug to inject into myself every day, now I see it and instead feel so relieved. I don’t have MS. I don’t have MS. Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you that I don’t have MS. I can’t throw it out.
And in my wallet I have a prescription for Rebif written out by my neurologist. I never filled it, but I also can’t let it go. Because I will be digging through my wallet, see the slip of paper and think, “Thank you for Lyme Disease.”.
Anyway, today I am feeling a bit mel-onk-alee, because Annette Funicello died from MS today, and any time someone dies from MS I feel a strange mixture of emotions. Sadness, frustration, relief, and a tiny shadow of the pit in my stomach I would feel every time I heard the letters MS.
I have been on antibiotics for over a year. I will probably be on antibiotics for at least two more. There have been times when Lyme Disease has felt really overwhelming. There are times when financially, it has felt devastating. On the hard days, I have luckily been reminded that while Lyme is a bit of a pain in the butt, I could have MS right now. And while at the beginning, I had no doubt that I/we would be healed of this infection… the more I read, the more stories I hear, the more I start to wonder if anyone really knows how to cure it.
But, deep down I know– there is One who knows. Lord, I believe. Help thou my unbelief.