After I met with my midwife, I told a few people what she had said about Lyme disease. You know, to see if it seemed far-fetched to outsiders. Pretty much the reactions I got were that she was a barking lunatic. Crazy home birthing weirdo with her neurotic ideas about mainstream medicine. Something like that.
So, I didn’t rush out to get tested is what I am trying to say. But, she kept telling me about Lyme, how hard it was to find inside the body, how it changes forms, about her friend that had been diagnosed with MS but later found out it was Lyme. I was hesitant to believe because I didn’t want to get my hopes up. But, I decided that before I went on the interferon my doctor had prescribed for MS, I would go get a Western blot test. Just to rule Lyme out. I still didn’t think I had it.
However, a few things kept bothering me about my MS diagnosis. In the middle of my mega-flare while my body was quickly becoming useless, Mr. Darcy gave me a Preisthood blessing. He said that I would get better and be able to take care of my family again. I remember after being diagnosed wondering if the “get better” was a temporary “get better”, to be followed with progressive “get worse”? Because people don’t get better from MS. I also had another blessing that told me I would be healthy, but can a person with MS be considered healthy? I didn’t think so. So, I was left wondering if those were eternal promises that I would receive in the resurrection? Or would they happen in this lifetime?
I kept pondering those questions over the last year and a half. And when I would read about Christ healing someone in the scriptures I would inwardly sigh, and wish for the same miracle. And always I would feel like He was saying, “I can heal you, too.”. And then I would wonder if “can” meant He would, or if it just meant He could. Because, of course I know He can. He can do everything. But, just because He can doesn’t mean He will. Some are healed and some aren’t. Which column was I in?
And was he really sending me those thoughts, or was I just wishing them for myself? Was I imagining them? Did I want to be healed so much that I was hearing what I wanted to hear?
In the meantime, all I really knew for sure was that I should not start taking the medicine my neurologist had prescribed for me. Because sometimes the messages I get from God are soft little whispers saying, “I can heal you, too, Mary.”, and I am left wondering what that means. And other times they are forceful promptings, “DO NOT TAKE THAT MEDICINE.”, and I’m like, “Roger, that, Good Buddy. I will stay far away.”
After enough “I can heal you” messages, they began to sink in. Or maybe I started to listen better? Maybe I had more faith in what I was hearing? He would heal me. Not later… In this life, in this messed up body. But, I still didn’t know what that meant. Did that mean they would eventually find a cure for MS? How long would it take? I didn’t know how I would be healed or how soon, just that it would happen.
But, finally I decided it was time to get that test for Lyme disease out of the way. I made an appointment with a new doctor and started reading up on the disease online. That was when I was able to remember tiny details I had forgotten, all the symptoms I had shrugged off for the last 16 years. He helped me remember mountain biking in Pennsylvania, the rash I got afterward, the pain in my joints that started after a few months, the same rash that came back when I was pregnant with Jane.
You know that scripture about the Spirit bringing all things to your remembrance? (John 14:26) It was like the floodgates opened and everything I needed to know rushed into my mind. Once I found this list of Lyme symptoms online I knew this was the answer.
I am so grateful. My Lyme doctor told me that my T cells are very low, that my immune system has been fighting this for so long that it is just crawling along. She said that if I had started interferon (a drug that weakens the immune system, because the belief with autoimmune disease is that your immune system is too sensitive and starts attacking itself) that it would have been devastating. The disease would have had little to stop it. I believe, I really believe I would have died.
Thank you, Lord, for saving my life.
9 Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.